Confidence

Dear Friends,

Confidence is believing in one's ability even if there are many who discourage us in many ways.

Confidence is focusing on a goal and going for it against all odds.

Confidence is all about sweet success after a hard battle won after a lot of struggle and sacrifice.

Confidence is taking that step to get up and get moving even if we have hurt our very feet.

Condidence is to forgive those who have wronged us knowingly or unknowingly.

Confidence is to live on when defeat stares us directly into our eyes.

Confidence is to perform what we are supposed to and leave the results to the almighty.

Confidence is the belief that whatever happens, happens for the best.

Confidence is to sleep each night with the thought of seeing the morrow's dawn.

Confidence is to face another day which can be a mixed bag of events - both good and bad.

Confidence is to move on in life treating each event as life's lesson instead of being bitter about bad and unpleasant ones.

Confidence is to accept with open arms anything with a calm and balanced mind so that the mind never occilates too much upwards or downwards. All upwards can have (equal and opposite) downwards to it.

Confidence is being happy with whatever we possess.

Confidence is to never let insecure feelings grip your day to day life.

Let us all face our tomorrows with confidence and strengthen our minds to face it with god's grace.

Cheers!
Mahalakshmi

Mangoes

Dear Friends!

It is the mangoes' season and the market is flooded with many varieties, sizes, colors and shapes of mangoes from all over India.

Uttar Pradesh boasts of some the world's best varieties where farmers nurture this seasonal fruit with so much passion. In Maharashtra it is the Alphonsa which is very popular.

In Hyderabad, we would as kids enjoy the Banganpalli the most. Rasaaloos are one of a kind. Ras mean juice and yes these tiny mangoes with tinier stones would be juicy and oh so sweet.
Our mother would make aamras (squeezed mango pulp to which sugar and cardamom powder are added to create a heavenly sweet with which to have puris - deep fried indian breads.)
She would also make one of the best sambars - a lentil based dish with rasaaloos as the main ingredient. If there are 6 members in a family then 6 rasaaloos would be slit and cooked in it. We would then fish out one each. This sambar would have all the tastes blended in it - sourness from the tamarind pulp, mangoes and jaggery for sweetness, salt and chilly or sambar powder to make it spicy. With curd rice this would be the best combination ever.

Here in Chennai we have different varieties like salem mangoes, 'kili mooku' mangoes which have a typical nose-like formation at the end. This one would be sharp and sweet to taste. Eaten raw with or without salt and chilly powder. It is the most popular variety available at the Marina and Elliots beaches. These would be slit and cut to resemble an arched saw blade and displayed to tempt passers-by to buy them!

Fruits available in seasons are most waited for. They are sold on the roadside in plenty. Loads of it arrive from across borders and within states in lorries.

Well we had the first mangoes of the season today. They were very sweet. Hope you too enjoy the seasons' fruits in whichever part of the globe you are in.

Cheers!
Mahalakshmi

Losing Money, Sleep and Peace of Mind!

Dear Friends,

Let me share a true life incident which happened to an acquaintance of mine a couple of years back.

A mother of a teen aged boy, she left Chennai to accompany her husband to Mumbai where his job took him. Her mother-in-law too lived with them as the other son was a resident abroad.

Her brother -in-law was on a visit.
Since he wanted to fund his mother's construction of a new house for herself, he handed over Rupees Ten Lakhs worth in US Dollars to his mother.
She in turn handed it over to her daughter-in-law (my friend) for safe keeping as they were about to go visiting the Sai Baba's temple at Shirdi.

Instead of keeping it at home as it meant a locked house, she thought it better to carry it in her bag as they all were traveling together.

They had a good darshan. They all came out of the temple and wanted to shop for gifts for friends. As she fished for some money to pay at a shop she realized that the dollars were missing from the pocket in which it was safely kept! She recalled how her mental state underwent a drastic change at that very moment. She was so numb with fear that nothing anyone said registered in her mind anymore. All thoughts were on the missing money which was by any standards a huge amount.
She refused to eat that night under some pretext as her head was reeling in confusion. She wished she could find the money safe at home when she returned back and what was happening was an illusion or a bad dream.

Once back home she rushed to open the safe to find nothing there.
She said she was like a zombie for a few days from then on. Her husband asked why she was so listless and left it at that without probing too much for answers. She could have confided in him her mistake but she dint have the courage as her mother-in-law and brother-in-law were with them. She obviously dint want her husband to question her in front of these two people or spoil her marriage for the sake of money. The fear was eating her away.
It was time for the brother-in-law to leave. Just after, her mother-in-law started asking her for the money. She told me she lied to her that it was in a locker safe and that she would hand it over when MIL was ready to leave for her home town in a few days.
She would see to it that she fixed up some outside work and never was left alone with MIL till the day she left.

In the meantime she was desperate to raise this huge sum all by herself not knowing how to. She had to approach some friends and they turned her away with some excuses. At last a friend who lived in the same apartment complex offered to lead her to a local money lender who after a lot of checking her background agreed to lend her the entire amount but at a high rate of interest (36%).

She later came down to Chennai under some pretext to meet me for guidance after doing the rescue act on her own in Mumbai.

When she came to me I had no clue about her sudden visit. She was an acquaintance (a psychiatrist herself, but chose to be a home maker instead as she wanted to devote more time for her son’s education).
She would come to me on and off for counseling for herself and her son.
I had always found her to be a well behaved, cultured, gentle and a friendly type of person. We got along well as we mutually admired each other. She knew she could unburden herself freely and that I would hear her out with sympathy, without passing any judgement.

I was shocked and asked her some leading questions trying to get to the bottom of it all.
Anyway we could not arrive at any conclusion about the missing money.
I told her what I felt about the whole thing like:
• she could have refused to safe keep her mother-in-law’s money for her.
• She should not have carried such a huge amount in her bag while traveling.
• Neither was the idea of stashing away the money behind at home a sound idea.
• When she found out about the missing money she could have taken her husband into confidence even if it meant facing the music as he would have helped her being in a top post in an IT company.
• The only person who knew she carried the entire money was her mother-in-law so…….

Now for the rescue act:
I told her she had to cut the money lender out of her life somehow by arranging to repay him immediately. Money lenders never bother about repayment of the capital (principal) amount as long as the interests kept coming in regularly. That is their bread, butter and jam.
She could tell her husband the whole truth at least now which she flatly refused.
She could tell her only brother and ask for help but she refused this too as she was afraid he would scold her instead of helping her.
She could, as a last resort, tell her father as he would understand she was trying to save her marriage. But she din’t want to. Her mother was sick and father himself, a heart patient. She thought they would be ready to sell their house at Besant Nagar to solve her problem but after that they would have nowhere to go except a few lakhs left over after clearing her debts, which may not be enough for their own future hospital bills and rents in the city. So that idea also fell on deaf ears.
I was her sounding board and I was trying my best to tell her that it is wise to cut out the money lender first and foremost as she was already weighing herself down heavily with interest payments alone. That was the only focus I could drill into her confused mind.

She would often ring to tell me of her program for the day and what transpired. Most of the feedback was rejection stories which frustrates the mind yet the person is tempted to think of anyone who could dole out money. Just anyone.

How she had been to a childless, very rich widowed aunt, a loving aunt who doted on her, who had ready cash right at home but said she had the cash but she will not help her.
(What if her aunt were to tell her parents about this since she knew about it now?).
Then some friends from Bangalore did give her 3 lakhs (interest-free) with a condition that they will not ask for this amount for one year. So far so good that she would not have to pay interest on 3 lakhs.
My advice then was to ask her a few personal questions for her own sake.
Did she have any fixed deposits on her or her son’s name? Yes she had and she agreed it was a good idea to close that and get at least a lakh and half.
Then what about her jewellery? She had jewels worth 3 lakhs with her though she could not sell all of it but it was a good idea. So that was another option at damage controlling.
She had some lands in Coimbatore but all might question her about her need to sell it when there was no need?
I would worry for this girl often. A couple of years passed and no word from her or her whereabouts.
Then a couple of months back I saw her at the Spencer’s Plaza in the company of her parents and only son who had grown into a big boy. She was buying something for her son I could see. I moved away from there so that there was no embarrassment for her.

Then she rang one day and asked if she could come over to meet me. When we met, she first hugged and thanked me for listening patiently and offering a sound solution when she was so lost and confused.
From only constant worries she could focus on how to solve her problems. She had to mop up huge amounts in a short time as marching orders had been served on her husband from his Mumbai branch and they had to settle down in Chennai.
So she had no other go except to follow all my leads – close her FDs, sell a portion of her jewellery, borrow from more friends, clear her Mumbai debts.
But at what cost to her health – both mental and physical.
Even now I wonder what could be the truth, the real truth in all this! I really wonder.

But sure I am glad her problem came to an end quickly enough.

I am mentally exhausted even writing this out today.
There will be problems but we have to think of solutions instead of thinking of how to keep on worrying while doing nothing about them.

Cheers!
Mahalakshmi

Falling Hair

Dear Friends,

Hair loss. Hair scare. Falling hair. These were the thoughts going on in my mind in the past couple of days since I heard reasons for the same.

It causes so much disturbance and distress in the mind of any person with this problem, more so if the person happens to be young (could be a male or a female).

When I thought about this for a long time all I could think of was that this condition occurs due to not applying oil onto the scalp regularly, having a shampoo bath often, not having enough proteins in one's diet like milk, curds or cheese in case one is a vegetarian. Usually non-vegetarian diet contains high proteins so this incidence could be less in people who regularly include non-vegetarian dishes in their daily meals.

These days everything is blamed on 'stress'. This could be true to some extent yet falling hair can be due to more better reasons as I found out when I was exchanging ideas on this phenomenon with my sister.

She said she noticed this happening to youngsters who travel and settle down in some of the western countries for studies or work. They often end up having this problem. Or those who move out of house and live on their own. You will wonder about these generalized statement until you hear the why of it. It made so much sense to me and I am sharing this with you all today.

Firstly in India we always tend to blame ill-health (usually a cold, cough, fever, stomach upsets, hair loss) on 'change in water' (when we we move to another city, state or country away from our usual place where our body got used to the local water. The ailment may continue for a few days until we get used to the new water of the new place. The period we are away also matters. If for a few days or weeks then the problem disappears once we get back to our place. When we stay on for years this problem could set in.
But again what is the connecton to falling hair to this change of water in a new place?
Water has different ratios of salt content however much it has been purified and supplied. My sis also rightly pointed out to free flowing water available in the western countries and how very tempting it is to show our heads under the shower and take longer baths to experience the 'feel good' factor!
We little realise how bad this exposure of the hair to water could be on an everyday basis.
While we are at it we are tempted to reach out for the shampoo which comes in big containers whether there is oil or no oil on our scalps to remove with. This further results in making our already bad hair dry and rough to feel when it finally dries of all water. In no time we notice falling hair and at times greying also occurs. We lose sleep over it. We do all kinds of panicky things to rectify this malady but do not know the right remedy for this problem until we discuss this with some well meaning but adventourous friends who might have some ready solutions for all types of problems! We follow their advice and end up even more miserable!

Here is a list and hope this helps regain lost hair even if it turns out to be a bit of a slow process in the beginning.

1. Do not take head bath everyday. Most water supplied through taps contain salts. These do tend to harm hair in more ways than one. Since salts in water differ from place to place we find water in some places to cause hair loss within days of using.
In India we take head baths once a week. It is more or less observed as a ritual with application of warm sesame oil in the scalp, soaking in it for at least fifteen minutes to half hour to allow it to be absorbed by the skin and scalp.
2. Heavy oiling needs heavy shampooing too to remove all that excess grease.
So little oil should do and little shampoo to remove the grease.
Hot water helps in breaking down grease easily too.
3. Never squeeze hair tight if you have to dry the hair manually. As wet hair is weak it could just break loose when too much pressure is applied over it. Wet hair comes off its roots easily when pulled/towelled with too much force. Towel gently. Do not stand under a fan as you could catch a cold.
Use of a hair dryer is not recommended on a regular basis for long durations at a time. Once in a while in an emergency a dryer can be used.
Here, I recall how a smoking charcoal used to be placed under a woven (stripped bamboo) basket and our wet heads placed on top of it so that the smoke could dry our hair gently. What was the added attraction was the sprinkling of the powdered 'saambraani' over the burning charcoal to perfume our hair at the same time. It would be such a blissful experience which is out of fashion unless someone thinks of it as a business venture just like they thought about ayur massages, steam baths, hot spring baths, the hamams, etc., which were ancient and healthy practices from the olden days.
To sum it all up:
4. Get into a routine of applying non-greasy oil (known as hair protein - some really good ones are available in India under ayurvedic brands) for nourishing hair growth.
Apply a few drops only, but every day without fail (perhaps at night just before hitting the pillow).
Do not bother too much about your head smelling oily, etc. We can't lose precious hair and the fact is it does not smell bad. Do not be easily discouraged by such comments by anyone.
5. Do not have a head bath every single day. One should ideally have one head bath a week and preferably on a particular day. Saturday or Sunday is ideal as these are weekends and we can spend some time in massaging our scalps. Massaging of scalp should be done lightly with one's fingertips. This enhances blood circulation.
6. These alone will not ensure good hair growth. One should internally feed the body with proteins too. One glass (approximately 8oz) of milk with some cereal, cut fruits (instead of juicing it) and perhaps a few assorted nuts like almonds, walnuts - even 2 or 3 almonds a day should suffice - particularly as a breakfast. These should provide and deliver the required amount of protein and fibre to the body early in the morning when absorption rates are quite high.

We were also discussing about going bald which is brushed aside by many as heredity catching up at last. This can be for men but when she mentioned that women who had short hair were balding too, made us conclude that it is certainly not something to do with hereditry.
Women cut short their hair due to time constraints and easy maintainence.
The same repeats for women too who are then tempted to shower from head to toe and reach for the shampoo too often leading to loss of hair. When the hair starts to grey a bit we dye it in bright colors - red, dark brown, black... All strong chemicals. These could make the hair more worse and could damage the surrounding skin too.
Exposing hair to harsh sunlight also is harmful. (Those who worked in the hot sun should wear hats to protect their hair).

The phenomenon of no hair loss in meat eaters should be checked and researched into more deeply but the premise here is that their food contains high protein and hence helps check hair loss or replaces lost ones with new growth quickly enough due to high protein intake.

There are oils recommended to rectify this problem. There are pills and concoctions. There are hair treatments galore offered including transplants. But simple and basic care if followed strictly can protect our hair from falling until we age too far into our lives.

Like the old saying 'every kettle has a lid' so also 'every problem has a solution' is true. Some of the simplest solutions ones are the best should we care to listen and follow. We can heal our ailments with simple routines and simpler remedies.

God bless.
Mahalakshmi