Losing Money, Sleep and Peace of Mind!

Dear Friends,

Let me share a true life incident which happened to an acquaintance of mine a couple of years back.

A mother of a teen aged boy, she left Chennai to accompany her husband to Mumbai where his job took him. Her mother-in-law too lived with them as the other son was a resident abroad.

Her brother -in-law was on a visit.
Since he wanted to fund his mother's construction of a new house for herself, he handed over Rupees Ten Lakhs worth in US Dollars to his mother.
She in turn handed it over to her daughter-in-law (my friend) for safe keeping as they were about to go visiting the Sai Baba's temple at Shirdi.

Instead of keeping it at home as it meant a locked house, she thought it better to carry it in her bag as they all were traveling together.

They had a good darshan. They all came out of the temple and wanted to shop for gifts for friends. As she fished for some money to pay at a shop she realized that the dollars were missing from the pocket in which it was safely kept! She recalled how her mental state underwent a drastic change at that very moment. She was so numb with fear that nothing anyone said registered in her mind anymore. All thoughts were on the missing money which was by any standards a huge amount.
She refused to eat that night under some pretext as her head was reeling in confusion. She wished she could find the money safe at home when she returned back and what was happening was an illusion or a bad dream.

Once back home she rushed to open the safe to find nothing there.
She said she was like a zombie for a few days from then on. Her husband asked why she was so listless and left it at that without probing too much for answers. She could have confided in him her mistake but she dint have the courage as her mother-in-law and brother-in-law were with them. She obviously dint want her husband to question her in front of these two people or spoil her marriage for the sake of money. The fear was eating her away.
It was time for the brother-in-law to leave. Just after, her mother-in-law started asking her for the money. She told me she lied to her that it was in a locker safe and that she would hand it over when MIL was ready to leave for her home town in a few days.
She would see to it that she fixed up some outside work and never was left alone with MIL till the day she left.

In the meantime she was desperate to raise this huge sum all by herself not knowing how to. She had to approach some friends and they turned her away with some excuses. At last a friend who lived in the same apartment complex offered to lead her to a local money lender who after a lot of checking her background agreed to lend her the entire amount but at a high rate of interest (36%).

She later came down to Chennai under some pretext to meet me for guidance after doing the rescue act on her own in Mumbai.

When she came to me I had no clue about her sudden visit. She was an acquaintance (a psychiatrist herself, but chose to be a home maker instead as she wanted to devote more time for her son’s education).
She would come to me on and off for counseling for herself and her son.
I had always found her to be a well behaved, cultured, gentle and a friendly type of person. We got along well as we mutually admired each other. She knew she could unburden herself freely and that I would hear her out with sympathy, without passing any judgement.

I was shocked and asked her some leading questions trying to get to the bottom of it all.
Anyway we could not arrive at any conclusion about the missing money.
I told her what I felt about the whole thing like:
• she could have refused to safe keep her mother-in-law’s money for her.
• She should not have carried such a huge amount in her bag while traveling.
• Neither was the idea of stashing away the money behind at home a sound idea.
• When she found out about the missing money she could have taken her husband into confidence even if it meant facing the music as he would have helped her being in a top post in an IT company.
• The only person who knew she carried the entire money was her mother-in-law so…….

Now for the rescue act:
I told her she had to cut the money lender out of her life somehow by arranging to repay him immediately. Money lenders never bother about repayment of the capital (principal) amount as long as the interests kept coming in regularly. That is their bread, butter and jam.
She could tell her husband the whole truth at least now which she flatly refused.
She could tell her only brother and ask for help but she refused this too as she was afraid he would scold her instead of helping her.
She could, as a last resort, tell her father as he would understand she was trying to save her marriage. But she din’t want to. Her mother was sick and father himself, a heart patient. She thought they would be ready to sell their house at Besant Nagar to solve her problem but after that they would have nowhere to go except a few lakhs left over after clearing her debts, which may not be enough for their own future hospital bills and rents in the city. So that idea also fell on deaf ears.
I was her sounding board and I was trying my best to tell her that it is wise to cut out the money lender first and foremost as she was already weighing herself down heavily with interest payments alone. That was the only focus I could drill into her confused mind.

She would often ring to tell me of her program for the day and what transpired. Most of the feedback was rejection stories which frustrates the mind yet the person is tempted to think of anyone who could dole out money. Just anyone.

How she had been to a childless, very rich widowed aunt, a loving aunt who doted on her, who had ready cash right at home but said she had the cash but she will not help her.
(What if her aunt were to tell her parents about this since she knew about it now?).
Then some friends from Bangalore did give her 3 lakhs (interest-free) with a condition that they will not ask for this amount for one year. So far so good that she would not have to pay interest on 3 lakhs.
My advice then was to ask her a few personal questions for her own sake.
Did she have any fixed deposits on her or her son’s name? Yes she had and she agreed it was a good idea to close that and get at least a lakh and half.
Then what about her jewellery? She had jewels worth 3 lakhs with her though she could not sell all of it but it was a good idea. So that was another option at damage controlling.
She had some lands in Coimbatore but all might question her about her need to sell it when there was no need?
I would worry for this girl often. A couple of years passed and no word from her or her whereabouts.
Then a couple of months back I saw her at the Spencer’s Plaza in the company of her parents and only son who had grown into a big boy. She was buying something for her son I could see. I moved away from there so that there was no embarrassment for her.

Then she rang one day and asked if she could come over to meet me. When we met, she first hugged and thanked me for listening patiently and offering a sound solution when she was so lost and confused.
From only constant worries she could focus on how to solve her problems. She had to mop up huge amounts in a short time as marching orders had been served on her husband from his Mumbai branch and they had to settle down in Chennai.
So she had no other go except to follow all my leads – close her FDs, sell a portion of her jewellery, borrow from more friends, clear her Mumbai debts.
But at what cost to her health – both mental and physical.
Even now I wonder what could be the truth, the real truth in all this! I really wonder.

But sure I am glad her problem came to an end quickly enough.

I am mentally exhausted even writing this out today.
There will be problems but we have to think of solutions instead of thinking of how to keep on worrying while doing nothing about them.

Cheers!
Mahalakshmi